I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
