so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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