when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
