Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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