fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
