3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
