is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ttyl tear gas
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
