Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
