Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
