I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
