We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
