Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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