never play flip cup with pint glasses
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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