rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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