Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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