oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
