she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
