i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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