Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
