why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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