South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
