i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
