Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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