You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
