I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
