I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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