You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
