does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drake has all the answers
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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