I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
