New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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