I want to have your abortion
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
