I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
