i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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