Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
