i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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