I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
