I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dont even know how to be here
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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