i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
