Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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