like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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