he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
