I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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