I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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