Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
