So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
