I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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