I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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