Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
