She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
