i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Plan B is the new Plan A
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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