Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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