I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
