Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you will always have a special place in my vag
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
