She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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