I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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