We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
