(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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