Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
