A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
