i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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