he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
