So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
