It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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