My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
