It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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