Don't make out with my wife yet
no, he came in my armpit
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
