i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
